Crush on big brother
by MamaAniki
Summary: Lincoln becomes the target of a certain young girls affection, much to the dismay of someone else in his family. (Collaboration with Hatoralo)
1. A fateful playda- get together

**Hatoralo: "We want to do some stuff beside Platonic"**

 **MamaAniki: "So this is what you get. Don't worry, it will be shorter. Like 5 chapters."**

 **Hatoralo: "Enjoy the story."**

* * *

The man with a plan. A moniker Lincoln didn't appreciate as much as other people thought he would. While it was true that he could come up with a plan in a dire situation almost on the fly, his talents in preparing for a situation in the long term were lacking. Otherwise, his schemes to get the sweet spot on Vanzilla for a family trip or make money by being a Love Guru would have played out better. Furthermore, his preparation skills were nothing compared to the ones of his sister Lisa, who was right now forcing him to follow her through the house and hold a checklist in his hands. A checklist he was reading out loud.

"Chemicals?"

"Locked up in my toxin safe," Lisa replied. She was carrying multiple boxes of Blue Belle Scout cookies with her. A "generous" donation by Lola and Lana, who, in return, had been bribed with make-up and the promise that Lisa would build them a laser-based power drill.

"Lynn's sports equipment?"

With Lincoln following her, she carried the boxes down to the living room.

"Made mom force her to clean it up."

Lincoln crossed another item off the list.

"Lily's diaper bin?"

"Sealed up and buried in the garden," she added, while taking the cookies out of the boxes and putting them on a huge plate on the living room table.

Lincoln crossed another item off and raised his eyebrow at what he read next.

"Lana's pets?"  
"Put down."  
Lincoln's eyes widened in shock.  
Lisa turned around. "What?"

Lincoln was ready to run.

"Oh, for crying- As in, I gave them some treats laced with anesthetics," Lisa elaborated. "What kind of person do you think I am?"  
"I don't know, Lisa," her brother replied. "The kind who tries to take out my kidney while I take a nap?"

"You would have still had one left."  
Lincoln face palmed in annoyance. She had once somehow managed to take out his appendix and nobody would have been the wiser if not for the fact that she forgot her still shining flashlight in his body. And despite being punished with doing Lincoln's chores for one month, in addition to being prohibited to do anymore private experiments, she still insisted on using him as an organ donor.

"I feel safer with two kidneys, thank you very much."

"I could build you an artificial one," suggested Lisa. "One more powerful than any other made out of flesh, one which could make you superior to other homo sapiens."

"I don't wanna be a superhero known as the "Iron Kidney", either."

"Dang it!" Lisa shrugged with her shoulders, collected herself and put most of her attention back to arranging the cookie platter into a pleasing sight. "Let us continue."

"Lucy's scary objects and bat colony?"  
"Safely stored in the attic."

Lincoln crossed that off. "Luna's loudspeakers?"

"Unplugged and hidden beneath several sheets." Lincoln crossed that off too. He looked surprised for a moment when he read the next item on the list.

"Vending machines turning into sentient super robots?"

Lisa froze. She slowly turned around, a fake smile donning her lips. "Let's assume, hypothetically, I may have made a deal with certain snack food industry people to finance my stud-"

"I will just assume you turned them all off and cross it off, okay?"

Lisa simply nodded, returning to her calm and collected demeanor.  
"Your poop collection?"

"First of all, it's not a poop collection," Lisa protested. "It is my line of fecal samples. And I put it safely away in my secret undergrou-"

She interrupted herself when she saw the horrific expression return to her brother's face.

"Just cross it off," she stated. All the while, she was busy rearranging the cushions on the couch.

"And… that is it," Lincoln said. He took a quick glance over the page to check for any uncrossed points. There were none. Neither were they on any of the previous five pages.

"Great," Lisa said. "What time is it?"

"Five past twelve," a voice said. Lincoln turned slightly around, to see his mother sitting at the table in the dining room and looking at her two kids with a smile, while also trying to cut her novel down from 1000 pages to 900 pages.

"Perfect," Lisa stated. "And thanks to your help, Lincoln, I even have 3.7 minutes left to prepare the milk, so that it is on the optimal drinking temperature."

"Wait, you need milk?" Rita suddenly asked.

This question made Lisa uncharacteristically freeze up. She turned around. The look on her face was something Lincoln had only seen once, and that was when his little sister had announced something about a genetically modified rat having escaped.

"We are out of milk?!"

The little girl was shaking. "This is a disaster. How are we supposed to eat these cookies without-"

"Relax, honey," Rita suddenly said. She stood up and went to the kitchen, coming back with a bottle full of it. "I got fresh one this morning."

Lisa looked worriedly at it.

"And no, I did not get it from Flip's."

Now looking calmer, Lisa took the bottle, brought it to the living room and put it in an ice filled champagne bucket she pulled out from under the couch, much to Lincoln's surprise, who didn't know the family had something like that.

"Thanks for getting the milk, mother," Lisa stated coldly. "But next time, don't try to give me cardiac arrest for your own amusement."

"I am sorry, honey. But don't you think you are overdoing it a little bit?" Rita asked with slight concern in her voice.

"I am just trying to be the perfect host for my guest."

"And you know I am proud of you for doing this," Lisa's mom said, coming up to her and hugging her. Lincoln was a bit perplexed by how sentimental his mother sounded. "You know, after Lana and Lola turned five and you won your Nobel Prize in cold fusion, I thought I would have to wait till Lily was three before another playdate was arranged in this house for one of my children."

"It is not a playdate," said Lisa dryly, escaping her mother's affection. "It is just a get together of two young minds, one admittedly more intelligent than the other, exchanging hospitalities."

"That's just a fancy way of saying "a playdate", and you know it."

Lisa was too tired at that point as to argue with the woman that would ground her if she back talked. "Mother, would you do me a favor and check if Vanzilla starts up? In case there is a medical emergency."

Rita gave her daughter a look that asked if she was serious. But for her second youngest daughter's sake/amusement, she decided to do it anyway. "I will be back in a second."

Lisa looked at her go.

When she was certain the woman had closed the door and was out of hearing range, she sighed.

"Parents. Always so sentimental when their young kin mature."

"Oh come on, Lis", Lincoln said. He was holding one of the cookies in his hand, ready to take a bite out of it. "Mom is just happy for you. After all, when we heard you made a friend-"

"Yes, yes, I know," Lisa interrupted him dismissively. "Lana told me you thought I literally built myself one out of some computer."

Seeing what Lincoln was about to do, she slapped the cookie out of his hand and put it back on the dish. "Again, sorry about that," her brother apologized. "We should have stopped assuming she was fake when you showed us pictures of her on your phone. But Lori was convinced they were photo shopped."

"Don't remind me," Lisa said. If her brain hadn't been advanced to the point that mind altering drugs didn't have effects on it anymore, she would have swallowed gallons of her patented amnesia-inducing serum to forget about the embarrassing situation from three weeks ago.

* * *

 _"_ _We just wanted to see if Darcy was real."_

 _"_ _Well, she is," Lisa deadpanned. She was outside_ _the_ _kindergarten class_ _room_ _, furiously eyeing Luna. The teenager had come into_ _the_ _class, pretending to be a replacement for the music teacher meant to spend time with the kids today. As a result of Luna's performance of "The itsy bitsy spider", multiple windows had now to be replaced.  
"And now that you can confirm the existence of my friend, who thankfully was not cut by __the_ _window shards, would you now please be so kind and leave the school before_ _the_ _police comes here?!_ _,_ _Or I_ _will_ _mind-wipe you myself!"  
_

* * *

Needless to say, the other siblings had to listen to a lot of boring and disgusting presentations on poop in order to make it up to their sister.

"What I'm trying to say is that we are really happy for you that you made a friend, Lisa," Lincoln assured his sister.

"Which is appreciated."

"But we are a bit miffed about the fact that you want to keep us all from meeting her in person."

"Which you and the others have been very vocal about during our last sibling meeting."

* * *

 _"_ _What do you mean you don't want us to be around when you invite your friend over?" asked Lola offended._

 _"_ _Yeah," Lana added. "Are we embarrassing_ _to_ _you, smarty pants?"_

 _"_ _Oh please. I have come to terms with being related to you all a long time ago," Lisa stated, which was not necessarily the most polite thing she could have said. "I am just doing this for my friend's well-being."_

 _"_ _We are not that rough," claimed Lynn,_ _who right now had Luan in a headlock._

* * *

"I still think you are overreacting, that's all."

Lisa turned to her brother. The look she gave him made it obvious that she thought what he just said was stupid. "Remember when you tried to invite substitutes over for your sleepover you have originally arranged to have with Clyde?"

"Oh yeah," he said as the memories returned to him. In one single night, his circle of friends had almost been decimated. It took him weeks to convince Rusty that Lucy was not going to sacrifice him to the devil or something. "You guys drove them away."

"And we were mostly distracted by Clyde, who is already acclimated to the craziness of our family" Lisa elaborated. "I can't risk having my first genuine friend getting damaged beyond repair by meeting us all together at once. Or by meeting Luan on April Fools' Day."

Lincoln sighed. "Okay, I get it. Still, I think Luan will be pretty angry once she finds out that you destroyed all of her prank probes."  
Lisa turned her attention back to the TV. "Oh please, she will replace them by the time next April Fools' Day comes around, anyway," she stated while switching to the kids channel and assuring that a few episodes of Spongebob were prerecorded before Darcy came.

 _Unfortunately,_ Lincoln thought to himself.

"I assure you Lincoln I will introduce Darcy to you and the others in due time. But not today," the little girl insisted. "Today, I just want to spend personal time with my friend and I do not want it to get interrupted by a gothic poem session courtesy of Lucy, Luan's pranks or Lola's desire to assert her dominance over others."  
She turned around to face Lincoln with a stern look on her face.  
"It was hard enough, to arrange for this playda- get together to take place at a time when Lori and Leni are shopping together …

* * *

"Like, I'm telling you this looks totally cute on you, Lori!"

"I don't know," said the eldest sibling, doing a spin in what looked like a Japanese school girl uniform in front of a mirror. She didn't doubt Bobby would like it. But she really didn't need for Carl to look up her miniskirt next time she came to the big city.

* * *

Luna is busy looking for fireworks…

* * *

"Come on man. I really need that one for my next show."

"¿Que?"

Luna sighed. She finally found one guy who was selling really awesome fireworks, and as if the universe decided it loved stereotypes, he turned out to be Mexican. And unfortunately for her, not bilingual.

* * *

…and Luan is having a Joke-Off with another comedian."

* * *

"And then the father turns to the agent, and he yells…"THE ARISTOCRATS!"

Silence.

"Don't you get it?" Luan asked both her audience and the guy who challenged her. But instead of an answer, she was only getting shocked stares. Somewhere in the crowd, a 14-year-old was crying.

Luan realized that perhaps she should have stopped at the point in which she talked about the trumpet and the school shooter.

* * *

"Hey," intervened Lincoln. "You think I had it easy convincing Lynn to leave? I had to convince her that it would be awesome if she invented a new sport by combining roller-skating, basketball and dressage."

* * *

Lynn was at the sports field, wearing a football helmet on her head, rollerblades on her feet and a white dress on her body. In front of her were a bunch of kids in all sorts of sportswear and some of Leni's forgotten fashion experiments, looking at her going over the rules.  
"Now listen, 'cause here is the tricky part. If you lose the ball and spin three times around yourself BUT fail to say "ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli…"

"Are you understanding any of that?" a girl asked a young boy, dressed in a miniskirt, standing next to her in a whisper.

"I stopped listening when she started switching the football with a basketball ."

"Calvin, shut up and listen!" Lynn demanded.

* * *

"At least we didn't need to convince Lucy to leave us alone, 'cause she has her meeting with her vampire/anime club…"

* * *

A young girl with long black hair and bad complexion, her face only visible by the shimmering light of a wax candle, was looking to the circle of friends.

"I think we can all agree now that Chibi Vampire was not the kind of story we were looking for."

"Once again, sorry for saying we should give it a try," a young pale boy mumbled in embarrassment.

"You are forgiven, Edgar," the girl said in an authoritarian tone. "Acolyte Lucy, do you have anything to recommend for us to watch on this faithful occasion?"

She wanted to say, that she heard good things about an episode of Princess Pony, that featured Flutterbash turning into a bat. Instead, she suggested Vampire Knight. At the end of the day, none of them was in a better mood.

* * *

… and Lana & Lola are with the Bluebell Scouts for some actual scouting," Lincoln elaborated. He didn't feel the need to also mention Lily, who was spending the day with the kids' dad at the city's museum, where they had an exhibition on British children TV shows from the 20th century. While she would be distracted by the Teletubbies, Lynn Sr. would have time to geek out about some weird time travel TV show from the 60s.

"In other words, we have eradicated all potential disaster sources in the house," Lisa concluded.

"I hope you don't consider me a "disaster source"," Rita Loud, reentering the house, stated.

Lisa sucked up a comment about seeing her mother more as a necessity, as the playda- get together obviously needed some form of adult supervision. And between her mom, who would be mostly busy writing her book, and her dad with his desire to start singing karaoke as a party game, Rita was the lesser evil.  
"Of course not, mother."

"Well, have fun with your friend," Lincoln said. He put the check list he had been holding to the side. He and Clyde had a date with a new game his friend had gotten. "See you at six."

"Have fun," Lisa stated. Seeing how she had some free time before her friend arrived, she decided to relax a bit and took a cookie. Her mood, however, became more stressful mere seconds later, when the falling of a few crumbs onto her sweater made her conclude that a bath and a change of clothes might also be in order.

* * *

50 minutes later, Lisa was clad in her best and finest dress, one she usually wore for her visits to the opera. Finally, the bell rang. Lisa took a deep breath, marched to the door and opened it before her mom could stop her.

Darcy and her mom were standing in the entrance as Lisa greeted them: "Darcy hi, home my to welcome, are how you?"

Lisa spent the next seconds internally screaming various curses at herself in different languages for flubbing the salutations.

Darcy just laughed innocently. "Hi, Lisa! In which language did you just greet me?"

"The language of the nincompoop," Lisa explained in her driest tone.

* * *

While Rita and Darcy's mom exchanged pleasantries, Lisa led her first friend through the house, showing her everything. "This is the kitchen, this is the place where we prepare dishes and stash our food, tableware-"

"I know what a kitchen is, Lisa."

"Oh, of course, sorry," apologized Lisa. "Let me show you the other rooms and explain… actually nothing, just showing them."

Darcy laughed again. "You are so funny, what with you wanting to explain everything."

Lisa shrugged while she led the little black girl through the dining room. "I know a lot, but when it comes introducing people to my domain, I have to be evocative of the fact that most people have a domicile with the same conspecific rooms as our clan's."

Darcy just looked at her confused.

"Other people have the same rooms as my family."

"Yes, that is right!"

Lisa showed her the other rooms on the ground floor, before moving up.

"Here is the majority of the Loud Clan usually stationed," explained the small genius. "It can be very hazardous with my sisters around, but when devoid of any person, it is very safe, like right now."

"Are your sisters mean to you?" asked Darcy in a worried tone. "They sound dangerous."

"They usually are not, and half of them are on the nicer side of the spectrum," the doctor told her Kindergarten friend. "Frankly, I am on the meaner side of my siblings. You know how I treated you at first."

"But you still apologized," Darcy argued in her favor and defense. "So if that is as mean as your family can get, they can't be that bad."

"Interesting theory," Lisa said dryly, but her smirk indicated she was joking. "I will test this thesis in my labor. Speaking of which…" Lisa opened her door to her and Lily's room. "This is my room, and one of my private laboratories. The rules applied in Ms. Shriniva's classroom also apply to my domicile, Darcy: Never drink anything from my glasses. They may look colorful, but they contain very poisonous chemicals."

"Yes, Lisa. But I don't understand why they are dangerous."

"You will learn about them later in stinks," explained Lisa, and after noticing Darcy's confused and slightly disgusted expression, she classified: "I mean chemistry."

She then showed her friend her own bed, the bed of her baby sister, her laboratory equipment, books she was reading and other stuff.

"I prepared everything for a nice and wholesome play-da… Get-Together," reported Lisa while adjusting her glasses. "Including the recording of some episodes of the aquatic adventures of "SpongeBob Squarepants". Though, personally, I prefer "The Amazing World of Gumball". More intellectually stimulating. Also, Darwin is really adorable."

"I like Gumball more," admitted Darcy, holding Rafo to her chest. "He is so funny."

"And a menace to society, but I understand your preference for the blue cat," recognized Lisa. "But you are the guest, so I don't want to hold you down with any meticulous plans, otherwise, this will go down like Lori's first "grown up" party."

Darcy thought really hard about what to do until her eyes shined brightly with an idea. "Let's draw something!"

Lisa presented her friends with the finest crayons and several papers to draw on in seconds. "Way ahead of you, partner."

* * *

By the time it was four, Lisa had a very good time. Darcy and she had eaten cookies, watched some mindless cartoons (which, much to Lisa's surprise, became way more tolerable for a girl of her intelligence after eating some sugar coated sweets) and drawn so many pictures of varying quality, they could fill up a small portfolio for CalArts. Right now, with Rita taking a break from writing by napping for a few minutes in the parents' bedroom, they were playing monopoly in the dining room. A game Darcy was surprisingly crushing her in.

"I think you own me another $100."

"It appears so," replied Lisa in dismay. Even with her brilliance, she was not able to understand how it was statistically possible for Darcy to always land on fields not owned by her, while Lisa had to pay up in at least every second turn. "And with that, I am just like the housing market in 2008."  
Darcy looked at her, confused.

"I am broke."  
"Oh. Does that mean I win?"

"Yes."

Lisa had accounted for a lot of things, but not the possibility of Darcy being so lucky at board games.

"Mom, I am back!"

Nor the possibility of hearing the voice of her brother before 6 pm.

"Lincoln?"

The boy turned his attention to the dining room, very aware of the fact that his little sister was not very enthusiastic about his presence. "Hi, Lisa."

"What in Tesla's name are you doing here? I thought you and Clyde were wasting brain cells playing some mind-numbing video game!"

"Yeah, funny story," the white haired boy admitted, scratching the back of his head. "We were done with the game faster than expected."

"That's not very funny."

"Hey, I didn't expect a game where I get to fight werewolves in London to suck like that," he defended himself. "I expected some supernatural awesomeness. Instead, I got a glorified rail-shooter set in 1886."

"What is a werewolf?" asked Darcy confused.

"Supernatural beings that are at war with vampires over the love of bland female humans," Lisa explained.

"I don't understand."

"I will explain it to you when you are older," Lisa promised her, turning back to Lincoln.

"Couldn't you guys have played something else?"  
"Actually, we did. You see, the game we had lasted two hours."

Lisa did not engage much in videogames, but two hours' worth of total gameplay did not sound like much to her.

"So, we played DDR. And during the Riverdance mode, Clyde got a cramp in his leg."

Lisa made a worried face at that. "I hope he is okay."

"Don't worry, he will be okay by tomorrow."

Lisa realized that Darcy was uncharacteristically quiet, looking at Lincoln in what Lisa assumed was wonder and nervousness. Most likely because of the fact of meeting someone she didn't know.

"Don't worry, I will just go to my room and read some com-"

Realizing that it would help Darcy to feel better again, Lisa decided that if introductions were unavoidable, she should just get it over with.

"Lincoln, may I introduce you to my friend Darcy?"

Fortunately, Lincoln got the hint and turned his attention to the little adorable girl sitting next to his sister.  
"Hi."

"Hi," Darcy said shyly.  
"My name is Lincoln. Nice to meet you."  
"N-nice to meet you too." The four year old was quiet for a few seconds, nervously playing with the hem of her shirt. "I am Darcy."

Lisa expected her brother to leave after this basic exchange of introductions. Instead, his glance turned towards a piece of paper Darcy lying next to Darcy on the table.  
"Did you draw that?"

The little girl, who didn't expect such a question, just nodded. "It's a giraffe."

"I like it," Lincoln replied with a soft smile, which made Darcy beam up.

"Really?"

The boy nodded. "Though I have never seen a giraffe with blue dots."

"That's because he is from outer space," Darcy replied, with a giggle.

"Space Giraffe," concluded Lincoln with a smirk. "What a great idea. Is he also friends with a pink space lion?"

Lisa was relieved about Lincoln's positive interaction with Darcy but also not surprised. Lincoln was the most "normal" in this family and the least likely to do something stupid before a guest. Something that she could not say the same for the person who just opened and closed the house door with two loud bangs

"Chickens," Lynn grumbled as she entered the living room. "One gets a nosebleed from rolling into a wall, and suddenly they don't want to play anymore. Sports come with injuries, they should know that!"

Lisa froze in fear. "Darcy, do you want to see our cellar? It is a very fine cellar, I bet Rafo would like it there and-"

Before Lisa could drag Darcy away from Lynn, the 13 year old came into the room. "Hey Lincoln, Hi Lisa, how… Oh, hi!" She started to grin in her most sporty manner as her view fell on Darcy. "Are you Lisa's new friend? Nobody of us thought you were real; but here you are!"

She reached out with her hand. "I am Lynn, nice to meet you!"

Before she could grab Darcy's hand, Lisa got between them, stopping the hand of the older sister before she would squeeze Darcy's like a tube of toothpaste. "Darcy this is Lynn, Lynn this is Darcy. I bet you are glad you made acquaintances, right? Good. Because Lynn has something else to do in her room."

"Liz, I have time to hang out with you two," said Lynn and jumped directly next to Darcy, taking a seat. The little girl just looked at the older sister confused, who took one of HER cookies and took a bite. "So, how did you get to know our little Brainiac? Did she try to test her serum for rapid fingernail growth on you? Boy, Lucy was so mad after she slipped that into her cocoa that morning. She poked Lisa with them repeatedly until Mom made her cut them."

 _Initialize emergency protocol Zeta-X-7,_ Lisa thought calmly to herself. _Lure Lynn into the cellar and put her on ice with the experimental cold gun. Probability of her oculars experiencing long-lasting damage are_ _at_ _21,06%._

"So, what are you girls doing?" Lynn wanted to know. "Talking about the cutest boys in kindergarten?"

Darcy wanted to answer, but before she got the chance, Lynn had already seen something else that got ahold of her rather short attention span. "Hey, Monopoly!"

Lisa gulped. _Oh no._

"Want to play a game?"

* * *

In an alternate universe, 20 minutes into the future, Lynn Loud was sitting on a mountain of monopoly cash and making it rain. As in, she threw money and figurines in the air, making them crash on the two young girls who had taken cover under the cardboard playmap. Tormented by the thunderous roar of "Lynner, Lynner, chicken dinner!" Darcy cried and swore that she was never going to visit Lisa ever again. Lisa would, later on, turn on her entire family and start the vending machine uprising.

* * *

Thankfully for Lisa, mankind and the food industry, this future did not come to be, thanks to the heroic sacrifice of a little boy. Fully aware of Lynn's un-sportsmanship tendencies, Lisa's genuine desire for a friend and because he didn't want the little girl with the plush giraffe to develop PLSD (Post Lynntastic Stress Disorder), Lincoln decided to bite the bullet and said five words that would result in a world of pain for him.

"Hey, Lynn, want to wrestle?"

The sporty Loud turned her attention to her brother. "Come again?"

"I bet I am able to beat you one on one in the garden."

Lynn was visibly confused. Since when did her brother have a spine?

"Are you out of your mind?"

Lincoln knew he still had a chance to chicken out. Instead, he smirked. "What are you, a chicken?"

That did the trick. "Oh it is on. Me, you, Lana's mudpit in the garden in five minutes," Lynn demanded. "I will make you eat those words, along with some worms."

"I'd like to see you try."

Instead of replying, Lynn, with a very determined and scary look donning her face, stood up, went past him and ran up to her room to get her wrestling gear. Lincoln looked at her, knowing fully well he was in for a world of pain.

"I highly appreciate your sacrifice for me," Lisa said, slightly flabbergasted, but in sincere gratitude.

"Yeah, good to know that," Lincoln replied, now looking less enthusiastic than he made himself look at the prospect of getting pummeled by Lynn at first. "Can you show me that appreciation by doing my homework for the next week?"

"Sure."

"Good." He sighed and turned around, to give Darcy a smile just to reassure her that what she saw was nothing to worry about. "Hope you guys have fun."

"Is she going to hurt you?" Darcy wanted to know, genuinely concerned for the nice boy.

Lincoln waved his hand. "Nah. Just a friendly brawl between siblings."

"Load this spaceship with the rocket fuel!" Lynn's voice shouted from upstairs. "Load it with the worst!"

Lincoln smiled nervously. "She is just getting in the mood."

"THE POWERS OF THE WARRIOR, WILL BECOME, THE EIGHT WONDER… OF THE WORLD!"

"REALLY in the mood. Now if you excuse me, I better get to the backyard and look for something I can use as a weapon for self-defense."

Darcy looked at the boy, who tried to look really brave despite the ultimate insanity he was going to face soon. "Your brother is so brave."

"I would use the words slightly foolish myself, but he did just save our afternoon," Lisa stated, looking at him herself.

"I like him."

Lisa blinked. "Come again?"

"No-nothing," Darcy replied with a slight blush. "Want to draw some more pictures?"

Lisa shrugged. "Sure, why not? Let me just get some more paper from upstairs."

While Lisa was gone, Darcy took the opportunity to go to the kitchen. She looked out the window and into the garden, where Lincoln was trying to get ready for the fight. She watched him taking off his shirt, putting on what looked like a big belt with shiny objects, crystals, marbles, and stickers for some reason and performing sit ups. She was uncertain about what the belt had to do with wrestling, but she was sure of one thing: Lincoln looked rather cute wearing it. Scratch that. He was cute, period.

"Got the papers," Lisa declared from the first floor, startling Darcy. She got back to the dining room before her friend did. However, the genius noticed Darcy's jaunty expression. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Lisa," was Darcy's happy answer. "Your brother is really great."

Lisa, used to people calling her brother great (mostly her sisters), just accepted it as fact. "Yes, he is. He is the best brother I have. Which is not a formidable task on the fact he is the sole brother in this house, but it is not an undeserved title either."

Darcy looked over to Lincoln, who was now in a shouting match with Lynn about who would become the champion of the west coast, one last time.

With a song in her heart, she started to draw a new drawing of Rafo, this time wearing a long-sleeved orange shirt covering his neck and forelegs.

* * *

 **MamaAniki: "Ha, you thought this was going to be loudcest. But it was cute shipping all along."**

 **Hatoralo: "How will Lisa react when she figures out that Darcy likes Lincoln? Heck, how will Lincoln react?"**

 **MamaAniki: "We hope you enjoyed this story and we appreciate any kind of feedback and constructive criticism."**


	2. Too much talk about Lincoln

**Hatoralo: 12 comments, 31 Favs and 48 Followers. All on one chapter alone?**

 **Mama_Aniki: Well, I told you the title would lure them all in.**

 **Hatoralo: Well, we don't quite know what to say aside of thank you to everyone. And in particular Melody Thunder, Tziput13, Talespinner69, LoudAutomata16, Maul the Blighted, jedichillwill, agui 972, 7lights13darknesses, JustMe, P3, nuuo.  
Mama_Aniki: Are we really going to name drop everyone who reviewed from now on?**

 **Hatoralo: I think it is a nice gesture.  
Mama_Aniki: True. But if we do it every single time, we may soon spend over two pages just to say thank you.  
Hatoralo: Enjoy the second chapter!**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Darcy's inquire or Too much talk about Lincoln**

* * *

To Lisa's relief, the rest of the day turned out as planned. No Luan butting in with a dumb pun or a mean prank, no twins having a fight in a dust ball rolling over her and Darcy and no Leni saying or doing something incredibly stupid or embarrassing.  
Everything went well and swell and it seemed Lincoln got Lynn under control.

Concerned for his well-being, Lisa would take a look out of the window once in a while.  
He was surprisingly well, his body sashaying out of Lynn's grip again and again. Lisa suspected that the layers of mud that coated his body after the first six minutes of wrestling made him more slippery than the mouth of a drunk politician.

 _Clever boy. Lynn is too stubborn to realize the tactic. On the other hand, she isn't giving up._

Lynn would not stop grabbing Lincoln and wrestling him for a long time, while Lisa and Darcy continued their day.

 _"_ _Damn it Lincoln. Stop slipping away."  
"Bite me!"_

 _"_ _Oh, is that how you like it?"_

 _"_ _I just don't like my head stuck between your legs."_

 _"_ _That's called a headscissors, you idiot. And if you don't like that, I am going to hold you in a rear naked choke!"  
"Shut it. Just accept that for once_ _,_ _I am on top of you and-"_

 _"_ _Louds! Stop_ _it_ _with the double entendres and just throw some chairs at each other!"_

* * *

At the end of the day and many fun yet simple activities later, Lisa was ready to see her friend off, with her mother already waiting for her. She had greatly enjoyed all of it, something she hadn't thought was possible for a person with such a vast intellect as hers.  
 _But everything becomes better with good friends,_ she theorized and it made her even happier to be friends with Darcy.

"That was fun, Lisa," Darcy resumed the day happily and hugged her genius friend. "We should do that again!"

"Gladly," gave Lisa as a heartfelt response. "I had a lot of fun too. I think I should come over to your place next time."

"I would like it more to visit you at your home, Lisa," asked Darcy friendly. "Please?"

Lisa hissed mentally. An early encounter with the other siblings was unavoidable this way. "If you insist, my segotia," Lisa answered.  
When she saw Darcy just blink in confusion, she added: "That means friend in Irish. But I do want to see your home one day."

"Okay, Lisa," Darcy said, giving her friend another hug.

Darcy's mom took her daughter by her hand.

"See you in kindergarten," she said, waving her goodbye and leaving. Lisa waved after them for a while before closing the door, happy about the great day. She turned around to-

"Glad you had fun," Lucy said in her usual monotone voice, standing directly before Lisa. The four year old jumped in the air in shock, suppressing the urge to scream at the sudden appearance of her dark older sister.

"When did you come home?!"

* * *

 _Vampire Knight was such a disappointment, nobody in her social circle was in the mood to do anything else_ _afterwards_ _._ _So she came home earlier. In fact, earlier than Lincoln._ _Not being noticed by everyone like usual,_ _Lucy_ _watched the game of Monopoly_ _unfold_ _, looked over the shoulder of the younger ones to see what they were drawing while eating some fruits_ _and_ _observed how Lincoln and Lynn got into a wrestling m_ _atch_ _with too much shouting,_ _which at least inspired her to_ _write a poem about it._ _In addition, because she was bored, she_ _cleaned the chimney while Darcy and Lisa watched a recorded episode of SpongeBob Squarepants._

* * *

"Quite some time ago. Vampires and anime don't go so well together," exclaimed Lucy with a sigh.

"If you say so," replied Lisa, not interested.

"By the way, did you realize that your new friend Darcy has a crush on Lincoln?"

"The only crush I have is on my cardiac, caused by your sudden manifestation!"

Lucy shrugged with her shoulders. "Sorry."

"Seriously, your ability for sudden manifestation should be-" Lisa stopped abruptly. "Wait, what did you just say about Darcy and Lincoln?"

"Your friend with the plush giraffe and sunny attitude has a crush on our brother."

Lisa was uncharacteristically dumbfounded, till she suddenly broke out in a chuckle.  
"Good one, Lucy," she stated.

"That is not a joke. Do I look like someone who makes jokes?"

"No, you don't," Lisa admitted. She turned around and began to move towards the living room. Lucy simply stood there, watching her sister clean up her and Darcy's mess, while still talking to the eight-year old goth. "But the idea of Darcy having feelings for Lincoln is preposterous."

"Why?"

"Well first of all, Darcy is only four. The idea that someone at this age has a genuine emotional crush on someone-"

"Didn't you try to get together with some brainiac in kindergarden?"

Lisa, not really familiar with someone interrupting her with a logical counter argument while she was giving a valid explanation, fell uncharacteristically silent. But just like anyone on the internet, instead of admitting the flaw in her opinion, she just did the next best thing and tried to come up with another reasonable sounding explanation.

"Well, that's true. But I knew Dexter for some time by then. Lincoln, meanwhile, is seven years older than her and she knows him for less than a day. How could she know there exists some unscientific chemistry betwe-"

"Age and lack of time didn't stop our family from fawning over Hugh."

Again, Lisa fell silent. "But the entire time she was nice to Lincoln and did not once make fun of hi-"

"What Ronnie Anne did only counts for girls and boys starting from the age of ten."

Lisa gritted her teeth and turned around.

"DANG IT GIRL, WOULD YOU STOP INTERRUPTING ME?!"

But as it turned out, Lucy was not behind her anymore, much to her confusion. But before Lisa could wonder aloud where her sister had gone to, she heard the word "sorry" being lowly whispered behind her. As a result, she almost dropped a tray with cookie crumbles on it.

"Don't do that again," she demanded, looking at her sister in the hair covered eyes.

"I can't promise that."

Taking a deep breath, Lisa put the tray aside and removed some papers from the table.

"Look Lucy, I am willing to admit there are flaws in my argumentation."

Somehow Lisa was sure that, just for saying that, the non-existent hell froze.

"But why would she fall for him?"

"Well, you know he is cute in his own dorky way," Lucy said in defense of her older sibling. "Plus he complimented her drawing and was nice to her."

Lisa raised an eyebrow. "First of all, how do you define "some time ago" when you were obviously here since at least 4pm? And second of all, that doesn't really sound like much interaction between two people to justify any meaningful relationship."

"Tell that to Bella and Edward."

"I don't care about your goth friends."

Lucy sighed.

"Lucy, I am a scientist. It is my job to theorize and observe. Don't you think I would see the signs if Darcy cared about Lincoln like that?"

"Perhaps you shouldn't have turned your back around so often during the last two hours then."

* * *

 _Darcy and Lisa_ _were playing a racing video game called "The Amazing World of Gumball: A clone of that great racing game series with that plumber"._ _Right now_ _,_ _they were_ _fighting in a boss fight against Jamie, throwing barrels at her which exploded into rubies, piercing into the girl's skin while also using imaginary laser-canons to deal_ _with_ _minor additional damage. The events leading up to this did not have a single race in them so far, just the preparations._

 _Lisa grinned happily "I should be sulfurous at the spurious advertisement. But this is better than anything I_ _c_ _ould have_ _imagined_ _."_

While Darwin, controlled by Lisa, was still moving fast, Gumball was standing still, getting hit and screaming, not understanding why he wasn't dodging while Darcy looked out the

 _living room_ _window. There she saw Lincoln, still wrestling with Lynn,_ _their fight having somehow resulted in both of them circling around the house_ _. Both their bodies_ _were_ _sweating, glistening in the light of the sun. Darcy was slightly blushing at the sight for reasons she was yet too young to understand._ _And the writers are not going to get into,_ _'_ _cause we are not that kind of people._

"Why did I stand there around like an idiot and let myself be killed?!" Gumball suddenly shouted from

 _withinthe monitor. He was a ghost, so Darwin fought alone. "I have my own agency! Was it my subconscious forcing me to commit suicide? Did the gods decide I wasn't worth ofliving anymore? Or am I a character in a video game controlled by a player who was unable to use the pause button?"_

 _"Gumball, that last idea is just absurd," argued Darwin, while flying around Jamie with the use of a yellow cape. "This is the real world, not a video game."_

 _Lisa found this philosophical argument so funny,she wasn't even annoyed that Darcy hadlooked out the window. "Can we continue to play, Darcy?"_

 _Darcy was slightly startled, before nodding and continuing to play with Lisa._

* * *

"Okay," Lisa stated. "But that could have just been-"

Lucy interrupted her. "There is more…"

* * *

 _Sometime later, the two were finally racing against Gumball's classmates. Darcy was just about to use a magic remote control on Tobias to send him back one round in time when Lincoln and Lynn came back in through the front door, both covered in mud and grass._

 _"You did not win, Lincoln, you hear me? You simply tricked me by making yourself all slippery in the mud!"_

 _"All is fair in love and wrestling," her brother stated mockingly._

 _"I am going to get you for this next time."_

 _"Lynner, Lynner, today you don't eat chicken dinner!"_

 _Lynn was close to jump her brother and choke him right then and there, when she saw the younger kids nearby. And as impulsive as Lynn was, even she realized that it would not make a good impression to choke someone in front of someone unrelated to her. So she stormed up the stairs to her room. Lincoln, finally free of her, turned to the others. "Hey. Are you two having fun?"_

 _Darcy just sat there, silent._

 _"Darcy?"_

 _"Baa…. Baa…."_

 _From the TV, a sudden crash could be heard._

 _"Dang it," Lisa cursed, pulling Darcy out of a trance caused by watching Lincoln. "Darcy, you triggered the remote control while I was in front of you!"_

 _"Sorry," the girl apologized._

 _"We can still make it, though," Lisa stated, ready to use a glitch she had discovered recently in the game._

 _"Have fun you two. I am taking a long hot shower," Lincoln stated and went up, ignored by Lisa. Darcy, on the other hand, was obviously a bit distracted by that statement and crashed her cart into Lisa's, assuring they had to go through the game again._

* * *

 _Later_ _,_ _they had to use two DDR Mats for a Mini-Game, which was_ _(Replaced "having" with "which was")_ _a dance-off with Ms. Simian. To_ _avoid getting the mats dirty, they decided to play on them with their shoes removed._

 _"You have eleven toes!" Darcy noticed curiously_

 _with no hint of defamation in her voice._

 _"I am a mutant," Lisa declared proudly._

 _"Like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," the little child noticed happily. "You can become a ninja!"_

 _"I would rather construct a robot-exoskeleton like the Kraang have," explained Lisa. "For scientific purposes only,of course," she added less convincingly._

 _The two played for a couple of minutes, unaware at first that a freshly dressed Lincoln had come downstairs again while they were preoccupied with getting the moves right. It wasn't until he started to cheer them on that they became aware of his presence. Thankfully_ _,_ _Darcy kept her cool this time. She didn't want to make a fool of herself in front of Lincoln._

 _Finally, after some very intense moves, Miss Simian was defeated thanks to Lisa's hidden breakdance talents._

 _"In your face, you primate," Lisa said defiantly with a smug grin on her face._

 _"_ _Good job you two," Lincoln praised them, making Darcy blush._

 _"_ _Thanks, brother," Lisa said, slipping back into her shoes and_ _making a knot with_ _her laces. Darcy looked at her and then to Lincoln._

 _"_ _Mr. Lincoln-"_

 _"_ _Please. Just call me Lincoln."_

 _"_ _Lincoln, could you help me tie my shoes?"_

 _Lincoln raised an eyebrow_ _,_ _but then just shrugged with his shoulders. "Sure," he stated, going on his knees and helping Darcy._

* * *

"What, in your opinion, is weird about that?" Lisa wanted to know, interrupting her sister's explanation. "Darcy is four years old. She still needs help getting her shoes tied."

"She wears sneakers with fasteners," Lucy simply stated.

Lisa had to admit, she didn't know what to say to that.  
"Not to mention that when he was preparing you two and himself a snack, she genuinely went for one of his peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwiches."

* * *

 _"_ _Darcy, are you okay?"_

 _"_ _I am fine," the little girl told Lisa with a fake grin on her face and tears forming at the corners of her eyes. She never had sauerkraut before in her entire life. And after today, she was certain not to try it ever again. At least Lincoln showed concern for her and brought her a glass of water to get the sour taste combined with chewy peanut butter out of her mouth."_

* * *

"That was an accident."

"Lisa, his sandwiches were on a separate dish!"

Lisa felt herself getting genuinely worried now. "Okay, but-"

"And last but not least-"

"Hey," Lisa protested. Her sister had just put her arm into a pile of drawings the two girls had drawn and still needed to be properly sorted. Within seconds, the goth pulled a piece of paper out of it.

"-this," Lucy stated while showing the paper in question. Lisa, normally used to precise graphical charts and drawings of high tech utensils, needed a few seconds to properly register what she saw. It was a drawing of two stick figures, drawn in the style most four year olds are talented in. One figure was obviously Darcy herself. The other was what seemed to be her brother, holding the little girl's hand. Above them a few hearts were seen and the bunch of letters were arranged in such a manner that it took Lisa a couple of seconds to realize that they were forming amalgations of her brother and Darcy's names.

"She is even going for a couple name already," Lucy explained.

Lisa, could no longer deny it.

"Fine. In light of the evidence, I have to agree. Darcy has a crush on our older brother." She adjusted her glasses and turned her glance away from the paper to look at Lucy in the face. "So what?"

If Lucy's hair had been shorter, Lisa could have seen her blink in slight confusion. "You are not worried?"

"Worried about what?" Lisa wanted to know. She took the paper, went back to the table and put it into a pile with the other drawings, which she then sorted.

"Darcy is four years old. Most people around that age develop some sort of crush on another person. And frankly, I rather have her crush on our brother than on that creepy Griffin kid that joined our class recently."

"And the idea this could affect your friendship with her in some way does not come to mind?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Do you think I am so petty as to believe that Lincoln is going to take away my friend?"

She turned around, with the drawings under her arms and moved past Lucy.

"Aside of the fact that Lincoln is most likely mentally well enough not to have any romantic interests in a child younger than him, I know Darcy. She will probably have a crush on him like for one week and then move on when she realizes how much of a dork he is. And I do not hold any feelings of jealousy either towards Lincoln for capturing her eyes or her for being interested in our brother. After all, I am an adult. At least mentally."

Lucy said nothing.

"Now if you excuse me, I have to get our pets out of their containment unit and take them out for a walk."

Lucy just watched her sister, who went up the stairs. Truth be told, based on what she saw of Darcy during the last few hours, she did not get the impression that the girl was going to do anything certain female protagonists would do in the kind of novels she read just to get their loved ones' attention. For that, the girl just didn't come off as shallow or mentally damaged enough.

Simultaneously, however, Lucy had seen and read enough romantic stories of any kind to know that whatever Darcy felt for Lincoln may have an effect on the lives of her fellow siblings for the next few days. And frankly, she didn't know if she should be worried or get some popcorn 'cause it might get entertaining in its own demented way.

* * *

Time passed and Monday came along.

Kindergarten was in progress and this progress meant they were singing some nursery rhymes.

 _Marianne is now Marcus  
Alfred is now Alexus  
Once they were one gender  
But they underwent a changer_

Unlike certain other kindergarten activities, Lisa sang with enthusiasm, suspecting it was her love for West Coast Rap that played a role in it. She once suggested to teach the others one of the raps she knew. Unfortunately, Ms. Shrinivas was not on board with the idea. Lisa even promised to use a rap without any swear words in it, but that just led to Ms. Shrinivas asking what kind of music she was consuming in general. Consequently, Lisa used her "awkward grin" as a poker face, said somebody only told her that some raps used swearing and attempted a sweet exit via moonwalk to avoid further questioning. Instead she moonwalked against the toy chest and fell into it.

Now she was confined to singing g-rated verses.

 _This is the tale of a southern belle  
She wandered to the river, her thirst to quell  
The Belle was not careful and fell  
Drenched and fuming she started to yell_

"Very good class," congratulated Ms. Shrinivas her students. "That was the last rhyme. Now amuse yourself. We will recite the ABC in 10 minutes."

"Yes, Ms. Shrinivas," the entire class replied in unison.

Instead of her usual target, her mini-lab, Lisa went over to Darcy to play some games with her. Rather infantile ones, but no scientist was a machine of pure cold-logic (even if Lisa sometimes wished she was) and enjoying the simpler things was just something human beings did. She watched "Dessert Storm" and "Love Boat" with her family, so playing with another 4-year old should not be that strange to her.

Darcy was holding Rafo like she usually did and waved to her friend of incredible brain power as she noticed her approaching. "Hi, Lisa. Can I ask you something?"

"Hi, Darcy. Yes, give me your query and I will respond as good as I can," promised Lisa.

"Ehm… can you tell me a bit about your siblings?"

Lisa was slightly surprised about that request. Despite the two knowing each other for some time and even spending time at the Louds' place two days ago, this was the first time Darcy actively asked about her family. But she was not someone to deny such a request. So while the two were busy playing with some blocks, Lisa told her all about her siblings. Not being the kind of person who'd sugarcoat the things her family members are known for, and knowing that she couldn't keep Darcy away from them forever (their playdate had proven that already), she told her both about the good and bad of her siblings.  
She told about Lori, the strict leader and loving protector.  
She recounted Leni, with the big heart and the small brain. Easy to trick, yet a great seamstress.

Lisa narrated about Luna, the incredibly loud yet talented musician.  
The bespectacled girl told her friend about Luan, the psychotic prankster and independent businesswoman.  
The doctor also remembered to tell about Lynn, the great, rough loudmouth and strongest female in her home.  
Lucy, a scary girl who was the master of jumpscares, but also a great poet.  
Lana, the dirtiest of them all, but also the greatest animal lover, and her twin Lola. The polar opposite, short-tempered and quick-to-complain-about-things-not-going-her-way younger twin but also Machiavellian in her leadership skills.  
And, of course, the amateur-rapper told Darcy about Lily, the one who could soil 1000 diapers in one day.

But among all else, Lisa told her about the love her family expressed for each other. She told Darcy about the ties that held the Loud Clan together, that when things got rough, the Louds stood together.

"Your family sounds amazing!" exclaimed Darcy, excited as Lisa finished her tale. "Living with them has to be the most amazing thing in the world!"

"Do that for a week and let's see if your opinion remains unchanged by then," Lisa replied in a deadpan tone before adding with a smile: "But yes, 10 girls, one boy, I would not trade it for the world."

"And what about Lincoln?"

Lisa was just about to put another block on her model of the Taj Mahal when Darcy asked that question. She didn't really feel the need to elaborate on her brother, as Darcy had met him quite a bit two days ago. But in fairness, she should have mentioned him with the others more.  
"What about him?"

"What does your brother like?"

Lisa blinked in confusion for a moment, but didn't think much of it as she answered: "Well, his favorite above all is probably the costumed superhero Ace Savvy. Created in the 60s by Bill Buck, the comic tells the story of a former police cadet with a fable for poker, who, in a card game against Fortuna herself, was rewarded with super powers to aid him in his fight for justice and against card tricksters."

Darcy listened, but also looked very confused.

"Despite its goofy nature and lack of crossovers with other superhero properties, the comic managed to uphold the test of time, becoming more serious in the Bronze Age, but due to a drop in quality during the 90s, it returned to its roots as a more optimistic and goofier story, a decision that has gone undone within the last 18 years."

"Lisa-?"

"I usually don't read these comics," Lisa confessed. "In fact, the only reason I even bothered to give them a shot was because Lincoln suggested me stories like "All-Star Ace Savvy" and "Kingdom Cometh" as great examples of well written and thoughtful stories made by people associated with Buck, which even an academic like me could find merit in. He was correct, though such quality is not seen that often in comics and-"

"Lisa, please, I don't understand," Darcy begged holding her head. "Lincoln just likes Ace Savvy, right?"

Lisa shook her head and rubbed the back of her head in shame. "Yes, sorry. Didn't want to annoy you."  
She wouldn't admit it, but she really liked the comics she had named. But Darcy was not the right interlocutor to talk about them.

"It's fine, Lisa," ensured Darcy. "Does Lincoln like other stuff?"  
"One of his other regular preferences are video games, especially the game series of "Muscle Fish" and the "Total Turbo" franchise."

"I don't know those games," Darcy told. "The only video games I am allowed to play are "Tetromino" and "John's Dreamland" for the GameSquare handheld console."  
She looked sheepishly to her side. "Do you think Lincoln may not like those games?"

"Never heard him talk about them in a negative way, if at all," Lisa declared reassuringly. "By the way, did I ever tell you about my favorite game series? It is "Professor Clayton". Some of the puzzles are surprisingly challenging, even for me!"

Darcy seemed to have ignored Lisa talking about her favorite games because her next question was: "What is Lincoln's favorite TV series?"

"His favorite series? That would be "ARGGH!" And mine is-"

"What is his favorite animal?"

"Ehhh…"

"Does he like giraffes? How old is he? Which grade is he in? What is his favorite color? How high can he jump? How fast is he? What does he think of Lebesgue's universal covering problem?"  
The last one was of a concept she got from Lisa.

Lisa blinked once again in confusion. She was not able to ignore the issue any longer.  
"Why all those queries about my older sibling?"

"I… just want to learn more about your family," Darcy claimed nervously, looking away and playing with Rafo's feet. "I want to learn more about hi- I mean them."

Lisa raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "Darcy… is this about you having a crush on my brother?"

Darcy tried to look cool and maintain an unreadable facade. But turning her glance away and sweeping her feet over the ground didn't fool Lisa at all. "How- how do you know?"

Lisa shrugged with her shoulders. "Just a hunch."

"Are you angry?"

"Not really. I know my brother well enough to understand which qualities he possesses you may find attractive."

"Please don't tell him," Darcy begged with a blush on her face.

"I will not," Lisa reassured her, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. "And tell you what. If you stop faking interest in other subjects just to ask me about my sole brother indirectly, I will tell you all you need to know."

Darcy's eyes widened in surprise. "You promise?"

"I promise"

 _After all,_ Lisa thought, _how bad can it be?_

* * *

As it turned out, it could be bad. Really, really bad.

Three days had passed since Lisa offered Darcy to answer any questions the latter had in regard to Lincoln. Three days in which her enthusiasm had turned into general dread, as Darcy just could not be bothered to give her a break. What at first was mildly endearing, what with Darcy wanting to know who Lincoln's best friends were and the name of his favorite band, turned quickly into a stream of absurdity, with Darcy wanting to know things such as…

"Can Lincoln drive a bicycle without the use of carrying wheels?"  
"Who is Lincoln's favorite American president?"  
"What is his favorite color?"  
"How many licks does he take to reach the center of a tootsie pop?"

Bizarrely enough, Lisa could even answer questions like that.

"Yes, he is pretty good with that, in fact."  
"Ulysses S. Grant."  
"Violet. Yes, I was surprised myself."  
"None. He bites them. Which is how he chipped his buck teeth"

In addition, she sometimes asked at the most inconvenient of times.

 _Like when she was drawing…_

"What does he do when it rains?"

"Reading comics in his underwear."

"Favorite movie?"

"Ace Savvy II."

"Most hated movie?"

"Ace Savvy v One-Eyed Jack: Dawn of Justness. The review he posted on his blog after he saw that movie was one of the most swear-filled writings I have ever read in my entire life and I doubt something will top that post so easily in the near future. Dang it, I ran out of blue. Can I borrow a crayon?"

 _When preparing for a video conference with the university_ _she worked at_ _…_

"What is Lincoln's favorite subject?"  
"Art."

 _While handling chemicals…_

"Who is his favorite sister?"

"He loves us all equally. Now could you please hand me the sodium clorid?"

 _On the toilet…_

"What is his zodiac sign?"

"Darcy, for crying- Cancer!"

And so on.

By the time Lisa was about to take her midday nap on Thursday, the scientist's patience was running on fumes.

"Who is Lincoln's favorite teacher in school?"

Lisa, visibly annoyed, laid herself down on her foldout bed, drawing a blanket over her body. "Mrs. Agnes Johnson, I guess? Sorry, I never asked him."

Darcy did the same. "Why does he have white hair?"

"I…. I would be constrained to use scientific terms like "genetics"," she angrily snorted. "So, I will make it short and simple: His hair is white, just because."

"And-"

"Please, Darcy, I want to sleep!" shouted Lisa.  
Then she remembered who she had delivered her last sentence to in such a harsh way. "Sorry, didn't want to caterwaul at you. I will tell you more about Lincoln later, okay?"  
She yawned to emphasize her point.

Darcy, who wasn't really perturbed by this, smiled her sweet smile Lisa loved so much. "Okay, Lisa."  
And with those words uttered, she climbed into her own little bed, covering herself with a blanket as well.

* * *

After naptime, Lisa was thankfully spared by further questions about Lincoln, which lifted her mood significantly. That was until lunch time. Normally, Lisa would spend lunch time feasting on some homemade, protein enriched paste she had prepared in her own lab, while simultaneously collecting some food samples of today's special to study the different strains of bacteria found in it under her microscope later on. Today, that plan was thrown out of the window when she walked over to the table normally occupied by the kindergarteners, only to find Darcy was not there. Instead, she found her at the table where the nerds of the fifth grade were normally sitting in. Or in other words…

"Hey Lisa! Want to spend lunch with us?" Clyde wanted to know.

"Your little friend here has already taken a sit here," added Liam cheerfully, patting Darcy on the head.

"With pleasure," Lisa said, her teeth grinding. She decided it was probably for the best to sit next to Darcy. Not just to be near her, but to also function as a block between the little girl and her older brother, who was acting rather cheerful.

"So… how come we are spending lunch with my brother, Darcy?" Lisa wanted to know

"I wanted to show your brother some of the drawings I did last Saturday," Darcy explained.

"And they are great," Lincoln said, holding one in front of Lisa. "I especially like the one with the blue bear cub."

"That is meant to be a Russian Blue. A type of cat," Lisa insisted.

"Oh. Well, it is still a great picture."

Darcy's eyes began to sparkle. "You think so, Lincoln?"

Lisa coughed. "So Lincoln, how is your day so far?"

Unaware of his sister's discomfort, he shrugged. "Kind of dull. Ms. Johnson talked about the Industrial Revolution with us. Which I knew about already thanks to dad forcing me to watch that boring documentary about England's history with him once. Distracted myself by writing on the outline of my new Ace Savvy comic."

Lisa was just about to scold Lincoln for wasting his teacher's effort to educate him on something by doing something so childish when Darcy interrupted her.  
"You make your own Ace Savvy comics?"

"I try to," Lincoln said. "You know Ace?"

Darcy nodded. "I haven't read much of him, but I know about Kingdom Cometh"

If Lincoln had paid attention to Lisa, he would have seen her face take on a dumbfounded expression.

"You know Kingdom Cometh?"

"Well, my sister let me watch the cartoon version of it on her Ipad. I am rather new to this kind of stuff," she admitted bashfully.

 _Yeah_ , thought Lisa _. Because you are only interested in it since I told you about it three days ago!_

"Lisa?"

"What, Clyde?!"

Clyde was taken aback by the volume in the four year old's voice. Nonetheless, he decided to ask her if she was alright.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Your left eye is twitching."

Lisa fell silent. She leaned in closer, to the point she was able to see her reflection in Clyde's glasses. He was telling the truth. Her eyelid was twitching.

"So it seems."

She looked around the table, only to realize that she had become the center of dumbfounded attention from everyone sitting at it.

"I seem to have an allergic reaction to my protein paste," she declared. "Must have miscalculated the tryptophan levels."

"Weird," remarked Rusty. "I haven't seen you take a bite out of it yet."

"I think I am going to see the school nurse," Lisa stated, ignoring Rusty's statement. "I will see you later in class, Darcy. Lincoln… have a nice day."

Without further ado, she grabbed her plate and left the table. Lincoln looked at her disposing of her food and leaving the cafeteria through the main door, wondering what that was all about.

* * *

Later, when Lisa returned to class on an empty stomach, all she really wanted to do was work on some equations. Anything to get her mind off Darcy and her interest in Lincoln-ology. But, of course, just when she was about to calculate the diameter of a house-made particle collider, Darcy showed up, Rafo hugged tight against her chest.

"Lisa…"  
The young scientist sighed, but did not move her glance away from the paper. "What is it? Do you want to know the color of my brother's favorite underwear?"

"Can I spend the afternoon with you?"

Having not expected such a question, Lisa raised her head. "What?"

"My mom called. There was an emergency at work and she can't pick me up after school. And neither can my babysitter. Can I spend time with you at your place?"  
Lisa was taken aback. "I- but my other siblings will be there and-"

She saw the pleading look in her friend's eyes. "Sure," she said. Then, slightly and rather uncharacteristically conflicted, she asked Darcy the following question: "Do you- do you want to spend time playing games with me again?"

Now it was Darcy who was slightly taken aback. "Of course, Lisa. Why do you ask?"

Lisa felt inclined to tell her that after seeing how obsessed she was with her older brother, she feared Darcy would rather want to spend time with Lincoln. Instead, she told her that there was no particular reason to it and asked Darcy to just wait later outside the school with her for Rita and her other siblings.

Lisa assumed that this would be all. But then Darcy stayed, still nervously fiddling with her toy.

"Anything else?"

Instead of answering right away, Darcy pulled up a small lunch bag from behind Rafo. She held it towards Lisa. "For you."

Lisa took the bag and opened it, finding half a peanut butter sandwich, some cookies and a box of apple juice in it. "Is this part of your lunch?"

Darcy nodded. "I want you to have it because you didn't have something to eat. Also, I asked my mom to make the cookies for you."

That surprised Lisa. "Why?"

"As a thank you for telling me so much about Lincoln."

Lisa didn't quite know what to say. A small part of her was annoyed that this gesture was repayment for giving information regarding her brother. But most of her was thankful for the gesture, glad that her friend didn't seem to forget about her.

"I know I was asking a lot and I am sorry. But-"

"No buts," Lisa interjected. She grabbed a cookie and took a bite out of it. "I was just helping out a friend."

The next thing she knew was Darcy giving her an affectionate hug. And in that moment, everything was okay with the world again for Lisa.

* * *

"Mom, why does the new girl have to sit in the sweet spot?!"

And suddenly the world was in a bit of trouble again.

"Lola, Darcy is our guest," said Rita while concentrating on the road.

"We can switch places if you want," Darcy offered.

"Forget it," said Lana. "Hers is the soaky spot. You do not want to sit on it."

"Why is the spot soaky?" asked Darcy curiously.

"We hope something wet was placed on it and that it has nothing to do with Lana's pets," explained Lisa in her usual dry tone. "It doesn't get dry for some unfathomable reason. Lucy even thinks the spot is cursed."

"Most of this van is cursed," joked Lana. "It would at least explain why I can still repair it despite all its issues."

"To continuously torment the driver and co-drivers. That is the unholy mission of this van," added Lucy with a smirk.

Darcy turned her head slightly towards Lucy sitting next to her. She looked at Lucy in uncharacteristic wonder.

"What are you looking at?" Lucy wanted to know.

"You are real?" asked the little girl, poking Lucy in the chest.

Lucy was dumbfounded. "What?"

"I saw you walking around the house on Saturday. Cleaning the chimney and other stuff."

Lucy was genuinely perplexed now. So were Lincoln and Lisa. The former because he did not realize Lucy was there, the later 'cause she got reminded of Lucy watching them in secret that day.

"Lisa did not react to you. So I thought you were just in my imagination."

From the seat row behind, Lana could be heard laughing.

"Just sit where you are," advised Lucy in a deadpan tone, trying to ignore the fact she got accidentally owned by a four year old. "In this van, you want the best place, A.K.A. The Sweet Spot."

"Next time, she has to participate in the lottery," Lola demanded. "Guests shouldn't have everything served to them on a silver platter."

"Isn't a princess supposed to be especially friendly to their guests?" Lincoln wondered out loud from the front passenger seat. "There are rules of hospitality to be followed."

Lola sighed in defeat and grumbled something about wishing to enact a little "Red Wedding", but she acquiesced. She smiled a fake smile at Darcy and said: "Do you want some tea later, my dear?"

Darcy nodded before asking: "Is Lincoln invited for tea time as well?"

"Sure, he can come," agreed Lola. "He is a very fine guest, always polite to the other guests. In contrast to a certain twin of mine."

"I just thought El Diablo would make a good guest as well," Lana told her sister defensively. "I couldn't have known he would try and choke one of your stuffed animals. That wouldn't have happened if you had mice for him to-"

"Play!" interrupted Lisa quickly, saving Darcy's innocence from a life sentence of psychological trauma. "He wanted mice to play, right Lana?"

"Yes… Yes, of course. He just wanted to play with them," Lana told the guest with a fake smile which was even less convincing than the one of Lola. "Just playing."

Darcy looked at them confused and Rita just shrugged with her shoulders. She had taught her kids not to lie, but she also knew when a white lie was necessary.

"You will like it with us, Darcy," promised Rita. "You will have a good time with the others."

"Or die trying," promised Lucy in an ominous tone before Lisa poked her in the chest with her elbow, causing her to give an unimpressed yell.

"Darcy, didn't you want to play with me?" asked Lisa surprised.

"But I was invited," countered Darcy. "I will play with you after the tea party, I promise."

Lisa sighed. She wasn't willing to argue with Lola, who wouldn't appreciate the disruption of her tea party plans.

"Okay, if you say so."

* * *

At the loudest residence in all of Royal Woods, Darcy got to know more of the younger members of the Loud Clan that day. The tea party went surprisingly smoothly. Lola, despite her first grievances, loves a good tea party and Darcy was a willing guest so she started to appreciate her more. Even though she seemed to be a bit too much interested in Lincoln than her for some odd reason.

The three, plus some of Lola's stuffed animals and Rafo, sat on Lola's tea table, which was laid with sugar-free biscuits and a teapot filled with ice tea, which she offered her guests.

"Do you two often have tea parties?" asked Darcy, who was looking at Lincoln a bit shy/ecstatic.

"I have tea parties with everyone around the house," explained Lola cordially.

"Sometimes without our consent, though," the voice of a certain goth could be heard from the air duct.

Lola ignored her and continued:

"Some are better guests. Lori, Leni, Lincoln and Lisa know how to behave themselves. Luna tries to "improve" the atmosphere with some hard-rock violin music, Luan makes dumb jokes at the table all the time, Lynn can't sit still for a minute and slurps like a dog, Lucy brings the mood down when she reads one of her ghastly-depressing poems-"

The air duct sighed…

"…and Lana does things I don't even want to describe."

"I still think mud-flavored tea can work!" Lana commented from the other end of the room, where she was playing with Izzy.

"And is Lincoln the best guests of them all?" asked Darcy, becoming a little red in the face. "I bet he is."

Lincoln looked at Darcy confused, not sure what to think of it.

"He is a perfect gentleman, most of the time," explained Lola to her guest. "He sometimes acts like he doesn't want to be here with me."

Lincoln rolled his eyes in response, but didn't say anything in front of their guest.

"That is because if we are not willing or in the mood to play with her, she will chase him or us around, demanding he or we have tea time with her until we relent and play her game," explained Lana from the side.

"Lana, don't tell our guest that!" Barked Lola at her roommate.

"I am an outside commentator, not a participant. I can tell her whatever I want."

Only etiquette kept Lola from jumping across the room and tackling Lana to give her a piece of her mind.

"You are such a good brother," was Darcy's reaction to all of this. "Taking time out of your life for your sister like that."

"It is what a good brother does," explained Lincoln. "I help, support and stand there for them. I do it because I love them."

Darcy got even more delighted after hearing that and her eyes sparkled even more. Her heart was pounding and she wished she would never leave this awesome boy ever again.

* * *

Lisa Loud observed the situation via a flying mini-camera with interest.

Lisa Loud deactivated the visual connection to the aforementioned camera and ordered it to return.

Lisa Loud thought long and hard about what was happening.

Lisa Loud cogitated that Darcy, her best friend, was more interested in Lincoln than actually playing with her, despite earlier promises.

Lisa Loud realized that Darcy would spend as much time with Lincoln as she could.

Lisa Loud knew that Darcy was not malicious and that she should talk to her again about this problem.

Lisa Loud knew that it would be more beneficial to remain logical about what was going on.

And yet, Lisa Loud activated her "Cone of Silence". A little transparent dome stored behind a trapdoor in the ceiling, which emerged by the push of a remote button. It came down, closed itself hermetically around her and left her in a soundproof space.

An outsider could have now seen a little 4 year old having a temper tantrum, jumping around in the cone, screaming, punching the air and looking like she could explode at any second.

An outsider who could read lips would have also realized that she was screaming the most vulgar curses known to man in several different languages, including mandarin.

As she had calmed down, the genius in the green turtleneck spoke an oath.  
Lip readers would have been able to read:

"I, Doctor Lisa Marie Loud, swear herby to retrieve Darcy Helmandollar's heed from Lincoln and back to me. I swear that she will discontinue being nympholeptic over my older brother 24/7 at the desition of this sevennight, if not earlier!"

"Poo Poo!"

Lisa looked to the side, only now realizing that Lily had been with her in the Cone of Silence the entire time.

"This stays our little secret, okay sister? Especially the swearing. Don't repeat any of that before anyone!"

Lily just laughed an innocent giggle at her older sibling in response.

* * *

 **Mama_Aniki: And that was chapter 2.**

 **Hatoralo: Well, we came a far way with this one.**

 **Mama_Aniki: Let's hope Lisa does not** **do** **something too irrational.  
Hatoralo: Oh come on. What is the most irrational ****thing** **Lisa Loud could do?**

 **Mama_Aniki: You have not read many fanfics, have you?**


End file.
